What a funny job

My little tutor group just have me in stitches. They are new to the big world of secondary school, fresh and keen, excitable and cute in their own eleven-year old way.

I spend much of my week with them. One hour a week for tutor time, most of their English lessons and fifteen minutes every morning - so I'm getting to know them pretty well.

Anyway, last week we all trundled off to the library for our library induction and to receive the card they've all eagerly been waiting for: The Library Card. We had a few activities to do such as a questionnaire about what the library offers, putting the authors names into alphabetical order etc etc. I sat on a table by myself and watched the librarian explain about the Dewey system and how if the books were late back they'd get fined 2p a day and so on. Then it was time for them to split off and complete their tasks. Many of them came to sit with me.

So I sat there just looking through the homework they had completed and writing out some merits while they got on with their task. It was silent and then one student, Harriet, piped up.

H: 'Miissss'.
Me: 'Yes'
H: *completely straight faced* 'Erm do you think that, that, one day we would be allowed to bring our pets to school'.
Me: *Also straight faced* No, I don't think that'll be wise do you. I mean they'll just eat each other won't they?
H: 'Oh'
Bunch of 'cool' Year10 girls who are queuing to return a book: WWWAAAAHHHHHHH

Then silence.

Harriet's little friend breaks it.

LF: 'Miss'.
Me:'Yes'
LF: 'Have you got a boyfriend?'
Me: 'Yes'
LF:' Oh so who do you fancy then miss?'
Me: 'Well...my boyfriend'
LF: 'But, but you said you didn't have a boyfriend.
Me: 'No I didn't, I have got a boyfriend. *far to adamant*
LF: 'Oh'

Silence.

LF: 'What's his name?'

Then  across the table Josh starts singing.

J: 'Skillage in the village on the washing line'
Me: 'What?'
J: *grin* Skillage in the village on the washing line'
Me: 'On the what?'
L: The washing line...in the village.
Me: *mega confused and they know it* Eh?
Me: 'Skillage? What's skillage? Do you mean like, skills?'

The rest of the table laugh and try to stifle their giggles.

Smallest, quietest member of the class: 'No miss...skillage is an African bum disease'
Me: 'What? An African bum disease. I don't think so!'

Across the way I hear two girls winding up one of their class mates.

Girls: 'No you haven't'
Boy: 'I so do have a girlfriend'
Girls: 'Yeah right'
Boy: 'Yeah right'
Girls: We don't believe you'
Boys: Yeah well, actually, for your information I snogged her for like ten whole minutes.
Girls: *laughing* 'You what?'
Boy: I snogged

Me: 'Oi do you mind. I can hear everything you're saying. Now get on with your work'

Boy and Girls: *big red faces*
And as I'm driving home that evening I start singing...'skillage in the...' Damn kids!