Isn't it funny how life pans out? One minute things are pottling along at a steady pace and the next - BANG - everything changes. There is a lot to be said for routine and monotony, at least you know where you are and you don't feel like you are sitting in the front seat of the biggest rollercoaster ever, one second up, one second down, just longing to get off. Because this has been me. I got on that rollercoaster back in September and I still haven't been returned safely to the platform.
It has now got to the point where I am finding myself so paranoid that I am sure that something bad is going to happen, more or less, every moment of the day. I was in a car this week and I was convinced that it wasn't going to stop, so I yelled 'STOP' at the top of my voice and flung my arms above my head- death seriously did flash before my eyes. Then, I get a call from my mum, she's been to see the doctor but has to hurry off the phone; I spend the next 3 hours preparing myself for bad news. I am viewing my glass as half empty, rather than half full at the moment - and i've always prided myself on being an optimist. I really am down in the dumps.
This is one of the reasons that I haven't posted for a long time. I've missed it but didn't want to infect anyone who might read my blog with my 'negativitus'. So i thought it better to stay away for a while. I've always thought of writing as a sort of therapy - generally in my 'normal' life, where I'm happy and positive, I write because I enjoy it but sometimes I do find it helps to sort your head out if something's worrying you. I tried this. I sat and wrote but, do you know what, it made me feel worse. I will post something I wrote the other day, which will shed some light on why I am feeling particularly fed up at the moment.
But maybe it's too soon.
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